I AM…Still Here.

Sometimes, life hands us roses. Sometimes, life hands us lemons, and we remember how we love lemonade. And sometimes, life hands us a shitstorm; when who we think we are is revealed to us as incredibly tenuous. What we’re left with is a gaping vacancy where the identity of “our self” once stood, and in that space we face our own truths, our “I AM”.

This winter, this was my reality. I had defined myself stoically as a full-time, single mama; a healthy young woman; an anytime intuitive life coach; a part-time employee; a great friend and lover. Within the first seven days of February, those definitions were stripped away by a series of circumstances making me seriously question my Karma. Alone, I had to relearn how to make sense of my life and find purpose. Initially, the shock of detachment from the grip-hold of what I was certain was “my self” took all emotional and physical energy. I didn’t go crazy. I let all emotions flow through me, freely. No vices to soften, no distractions to derail my focus. I might have howled at the moon. And in fact, I’m sure that was the start of healing.


It took a trip down the rabbit hole of my preconceived reality, a complete revisiting of my beliefs about responsibility, thoughts, and manifestation. Coming to terms with how I had created this in my life, had actually custom-designed the identity implosion with my behavior and toleration, my thoughts and words, was a surprisingly positive turning point. If it’s possible to break things down, completely unaware – how effortless it is then to build things up when focus is put there intentionally. Obviously, this is what the string theorists, Buddhists, and every other Hay House type on the bandwagon is trying to get across. But when you absorb this in the midst of your own personal disaster, it takes on the quality of immersion-style education.


After assuming my experience was unique and keeping myself relatively sequestered like a hermit for about the first six weeks, I got out and did some traveling. Connecting with people everywhere, I went out, both of openness and a sincere need for conversation. Turns out, this whole “my-life’s-just-gone-upside-down” thing was happening to a lot of people. Maybe, for the first time, more than ever. Or, perhaps like when a woman becomes pregnant suddenly, to her, it seems like everyone is pregnant. Either way, it’s happening, and increasingly I am aware of it – and frankly, it sucks going it alone. Having someone to share the epiphanies with, to bounce the new realities off of, it’s vital. And the openness can lead to (and hopefully it will!) new gifts and abilities for you that you want to understand. So get out there if you’re in a poop-tornado, listen actively and share readily, understand you are where you’re meant to be when you are and so is everything and everyone else there too.


If you want a reading or a coaching session with someone with the humanity, sensitivity, and humor to help you through your own process to your “I AM”, send me an email.

NEW RULES: Get outside and play. I AM. I THINK. I SPEAK. I MAKE.