I AM…Still Here.

Sometimes, life hands us roses. Sometimes, life hands us lemons, and we remember how we love lemonade. And sometimes, life hands us a shitstorm; when who we think we are is revealed to us as incredibly tenuous. What we’re left with is a gaping vacancy where the identity of “our self” once stood, and in that space we face our own truths, our “I AM”.

This winter, this was my reality. I had defined myself stoically as a full-time, single mama; a healthy young woman; an anytime intuitive life coach; a part-time employee; a great friend and lover. Within the first seven days of February, those definitions were stripped away by a series of circumstances making me seriously question my Karma. Alone, I had to relearn how to make sense of my life and find purpose. Initially, the shock of detachment from the grip-hold of what I was certain was “my self” took all emotional and physical energy. I didn’t go crazy. I let all emotions flow through me, freely. No vices to soften, no distractions to derail my focus. I might have howled at the moon. And in fact, I’m sure that was the start of healing.

It took a trip down the rabbit hole of my preconceived reality, a complete revisiting of my beliefs about responsibility, thoughts, and manifestation. Coming to terms with how I had created this in my life, had actually custom-designed the identity implosion with my behavior and toleration, my thoughts and words, was a surprisingly positive turning point. If it’s possible to break things down, completely unaware – how effortless it is then to build things up when focus is put there intentionally. Obviously, this is what the string theorists, Buddhists, and every other Hay House type on the bandwagon is trying to get across. But when you absorb this in the midst of your own personal disaster, it takes on the quality of immersion-style education.

After assuming my experience was unique and keeping myself relatively sequestered like a hermit for about the first six weeks, I got out and did some traveling. Connecting with people everywhere, I went out, both of openness and a sincere need for conversation. Turns out, this whole “my-life’s-just-gone-upside-down” thing was happening to a lot of people. Maybe, for the first time, more than ever. Or, perhaps like when a woman becomes pregnant suddenly, to her, it seems like everyone is pregnant. Either way, it’s happening, and increasingly I am aware of it – and frankly, it sucks going it alone. Having someone to share the epiphanies with, to bounce the new realities off of, it’s vital. And the openness can lead to (and hopefully it will!) new gifts and abilities for you that you want to understand. So get out there if you’re in a poop-tornado, listen actively and share readily, understand you are where you’re meant to be when you are and so is everything and everyone else there too.

If you want a reading or a coaching session with someone with the humanity, sensitivity, and humor to help you through your own process to your “I AM”, send me an email.

NEW RULES: Get outside and play. I AM. I THINK. I SPEAK. I MAKE.

Full Moon in Leo – A Time for Sharing

Tomorrow, January 26th at 8:38pm PST, the moon reaches is fullness, that big-bellied Moon will shine upon us, luminous and bright with the intensity of Leo. How I enjoy a Full Moon in Leo! All Full Moons are opposite the sign the Sun is in at the time – in this case, the Sun is in the first decanate of Aquarius. As the Moon represents our emotions, our internal processes, and instincts; and the Sun represents our essential self and the manner through which we experience our world – when these two are in opposition – it is a time for reflection on what has been happening, particularly with an eye to that New Moon period.

Leo is all about outward expression – it’s dramatic, fun, regal, loving, creative – Leo is the Sun. So, in the day before this gorgeous Full Moon (which I highly anticipate to be nothing short of a rocking good time!) – I thought I’d share with you my New Moon Intentions and briefly, some of the ways in which they’ve manifested:

• Welcome opportunities from all sources to be of further service within my business as an Intuitive. When I set this intention, I didn’t have from my heart that I would make tons of money or grow my client-base. This, for me, meant that I would receive opportunities to develop myself personally, spiritually, and intuitively – such that when I do meet with my clients the level of healing and information they receive is even more evolved, intensified, and powerful than it has been. That has absolutely occurred. In all areas of my life, I’ve learned to address personal blocks, stories, and develop my spiritual understanding. The sessions this month with clients have, frankly, blown MY mind!
  
• Welcome and seize boldly opportunities to have the lifestyle and realize my dreams. What a month! I haven’t felt bold everyday – that’s for certain. Yet, even in my timid moments, I continue to pursue my dreams by overcoming the timidity and, as a dear friend reminded me, “Fortune favors the Bold!”. Indeed. (I’ve got a massive grin across my face just thinking of this entire process and where I find myself today).
• Keeping my heart open to love in all of its glorious forms. And here, a day before the Full Moon, despite the trials and tribulations in my life throughout this month – I have learned, and re-learned so many of the ways in which I keep my heart open wide. I am incredibly grateful for every joyous moment and every challenging moment – they’ve all brought me full circle to a place of absolute authenticity, compassion, and commitment to myself and integrity to others.
• Any, and all assistance to heal and evolve into a more compassionate, patient, affectionate mother, friend, lover, neighbor, acquaintance. This one right here…WOW. It’s amazing to set intentions that are welcoming of opportunities, they will come. Something remarkable happens when, with humility, not judgment, we acknowledge how we want to evolve and ask for assistance in any form. I’ve received so much assistance from all sources – from neighbors, friends, family, clients, mentors, and the Divine.

Those are but a few – I share them with you because, it’s the Full Moon in Leo – I’m overjoyed and unguarded! More importantly though, I share them with you in the hopes you may understand just HOW effective and efficient setting intentions is. And aligned with the Lunar Cycle – and with awareness – welcome finally immense gratitude that you’ve received everything you asked for as you are indeed, a powerful creator!

Let me know how your experience has been – your comments and feedback really do lift me up (as well as compel me to write even more!)

So much love,

Tara

The Power of Intentions in the New Year

Many years at this time, I’ve set out to make a list of resolutions. Resolutions never did work for me, due to the underlying belief there was something wrong with who I’d been and what I’d experienced to that point. Life needs no remedies, we experience what we need to. This year I will begin with a list of intentions. Intentions have the energy of creation within them as well as trust in a divine plan.

In 2012, at the New Moon, I began the process of setting my intentions for the Lunar Cycle. It amazed me how much I was able to manifest when clearly defining a desired outcome without attempting to prescribe the vehicle in which it occurred. We are powerful co-creators of our lives. Positive energy, gratitude, and receptivity will always bring us what we need. Negative energy, feelings of lack, and blockages will bring us that which we least desire.

Here are but a few of my 2013 Intentions:
* Learn lessons in life through joy and abundance
* Maintain integrity to myself and others
* Welcome and accept all people, relationships, opportunities that are aligned with my commitment to making a beautiful life with my child.
* Simply, trust, even more.
* Pursue my dreams with an inner harmony of optimism, fearlessness, and detachment.

I would absolutely love to hear from you what your Intentions are for this New Year. And, feel free to share here in this growing community your New Moon Intentions as well. I’ll be posting gentle reminders to aim for the stars about a week earlier with astrological notes for each New Moon in 2013.

Bonne Annee!
Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu!
Feliz Ano Nuevo!

Finding Intuition

Intuition is one of those gifts that all sentient beings share: humans, animals, dare I say plants and trees? I do, friends, I do. Spend enough time in the great outdoors, and you become connected to everything, breathing in the pulse and rhythm of the land, air, and water around you, underfoot. It is a simple way to become grounded, rooted to a greater sense of purpose, while simultaneously so relaxed and at ease that the mind-chatter begins to quiet until you no longer have a thought. You are a living, breathing, connected being – and you are more aware than at most times of your environment within and without. The key difference, is that your ego has left the building, taken a hiatus, a nap at worst – a sabbatical at best; and you have come to realize that Descartes had it all wrong when he went on about, “I think, therefore I am”.

Many adults forget the vivid details of their childhoods, those Technicolor fantasies of newly created worlds and kingdoms made with each time at play; only to be altered and improved again the next time. Perhaps it is my own deep connection to my childhood, to the trees I spent my formative years playing in and the wilds I ran through, that has helped me retain my own colorful imagination. If you have lost your own sense of imagination, or are a “grown-up” I strongly encourage you to spend time with a child in your family playing a game with no rules *gasp* just. for. fun. If you haven’t any children in your life yet, then get yourself a bicycle and cruise – don’t just commute. Get a hula hoop and go for it baby! Dance like a jive turkey because it’s a riot and laughter is great for the soul. Break out some art supplies and get messy, not pretty.

Intuition is intrinsically tied to our imaginations – which is why children, with their expansive, finely tuned imaginations, so often have a sixth sense about things. The trick with intuition, in any of its forms (clairvoyance, clairsentience, clairaudience, etc.), is that it feels just like imagination. Trusting yourself and being completely receptive is key. With all forms of intuition, there’s a five-second rule (ya know, just like the rule applicable to food falling on the ground?); you’ve got 5 seconds to receive and let go of the information before your intellect starts to analyze it and make a mess of it.

So what are you waiting for, star-dust? Have some fun, play with the world, and start imagining more. Your intuition will thank you (not to mention your peace of mind). Added bonus: your confidence will grow and trusting your self, listening to your inner wisdom – it all comes that much easier.

Forgive and Forge Love

We all want to be forgiven by others, and yet, as aforementioned, the act of forgiving ourselves is often quite tricky. Forgiveness has been convoluted over the eons, to the point that we have come to believe forgiveness is an external force.

Rushing in with a parade of apologies to quench the fire of ensuing negative emotions, rarely leads to a positive outcome. More often than not the results are: petty arguments, passive-aggressive behavior, increasingly grandiose displays of just how “sorry” you are…And when I say “sorry”, I mean sorry – as in, “Your sorry ass is trying way too hard. Give it some time, honey,” not, “Gosh, you’re really, sincerely sorry. When are they going to hurry the hell up and forgive you?” If I sound like a hard-ass on this issue, please understand I’m a sweetheart, but I specialize in tough love when we work against ourselves. And, I have spent a lot of time being really sorry, so I’m coming from a place of knowing (all-too-well).

Here’s a classic example, of what could have been a complete derail in my life, had I not recently learned about the internalness of Forgiveness:

The Scene: Dayjob

The Culprits: My Ego/My Boss

The event that transpired was a typical work scenario: I made a little slip-up, a human mistake; which, within a matter of minutes, in an environment where everyone takes everything far too seriously, had snow-balled into my boss telling me in no uncertain terms that I was indeed not…

courtesy of Calligraphuck

There’s nothing wrong, of course, with knowing one’s limitations, admitting to one’s mistakes, and learning from them. I had groveled before my boss, but he was afraid of potential fall-out from my err; and his fear was causing him to cross the line from letting me know how very much he didn’t appreciate it – to really letting me have it. I apologized profusely, and intentionally, and let him know this mistake would certainly not be made again…before running to the bathroom to cry.

It’s hard to hear one isn’t Awesomesauce…and worse, it’s really difficult, when you’re emo like me, to get a verbal lashing. After the last tear fell to the floor, I gave myself a good pat on the back for actually crying (that’s not really my style – in the past, I would have held those in like venom), dried my eyes, and set out to make sense of the events. Here is what I concluded:

1. I was now pissed off. Screw that guy – I’d just pack my crap in a box and let him deal without all of the good I bring. It’s totally unacceptable to treat me that way. But wait, it occurred to me (rapidly, thank god!), I’ve been here before – karmically speaking – I’ve had this boss, this experience again and again and again – in this lifetime. I’m the only common denominator, so there MUST be some lesson I need to learn. I put the filing box of crap away, returned to my Buddha-state of mind, and got back to reflecting on the situation…
2. In order to continue working with him, honesty was necessary. I had to make sure he understood I was hurt, I needed to let him know I understood his upset, and that his delivery method is unacceptable. And an apology would be super-nice. In fact, I’d be really receptive. This didn’t go over well. In fact, I was floored when he expressed that he would never apologize, and that he was essentially disgusted at my attempt to get in the last word. Upon leaving his office, I cycled back to the top (see “Screw that guy…”) of the process. But in the short walk back to my office, I realized in looking for an apology from him – I was actually looking for his Forgiveness. (Insert light bulbs, cherubs with harps, and sunbeams bursting through clouds – here). What? Did I just…say…I did. Yup.
3. So now I am really getting how this Forgiveness thing works. Yes, an apology would be awesome, if he had it in his heart – but he didn’t, and that’s his issue – not mine. My issue is that I hadn’t gone to the trouble yet in all of my self-pity, angst over the clusterfuck, and the self-righteousness about my boss being an a-hole…to forgive myself for being human. So, I repeated a simple mantra of Forgiveness that I learned from Denise Duffield-Thomas (she’s fantastic for those of you who don’t know her yet):

Hand over heart, I say:

“I forgive you, I’m sorry, and I love you”

That’s it. Forgiveness done.

After I forgave myself, I was entirely refreshed. And, for the first time, was able to see my boss as a human too. Honestly, I don’t appreciate the manner in which he spoke to me – and I do know he heard me when I set that boundary. However, rather than think about what an awful person he is for his behavior, I suddenly had so much compassion for him: what it must be like to be always jumping to the worst-case scenario, to be threatened by a fellow human exposed and vulnerable, asking for an apology. It occurred to me I haven’t a clue what his life has been like. And, for shits-and-giggles, I repeated the Forgiveness Mantra, only this time – I sent that forgiveness, apology, and love out into the Universe to reach him.

Hand over heart:

“I forgive you, I’m sorry, and I love you”

That’s it. Forgiveness done.

This was an act done in silence, done because I felt compelled by compassion (not actually for shits-and-giggles). Expecting absolutely nothing in return. By all accounts, in over five years the man hadn’t apologized to anyone. Within a half hour of sending out that forgiving energy, I received a call. He called, and while he didn’t say “I’m sorry”, the man extended the proverbial olive branch by acknowledging how, perhaps, if he had done things a bit differently, the clusterfuck could have been averted. Then he told me to go home early and have a great weekend.

The Apology/Forgiveness Exchange, when evolved, and fully-functional – is all about love. Love for yourself, love for another. And compassion for our very human nature, as well as that graceful acceptance that clusterfucks happen.

Mother Theresa knew what she was talking about.